The endless questions

Hello Alex.

I know it’s been a while since we’ve really talked you and I. As time goes by, our discussions rarefy and those we do have constantly get interrupted. By ultimate frisbee, your job, the nights spent with your friends and… let’s be honest, mostly by ultimate frisbee.

And even though I know you are doing all of this for me – Australia, work and savings – we are both aware that we will eventually have to take some quality time together, the sooner the better.

So here I am, the little flame from deep down in your guts, talking to you. To kill the confusion that leaves you petrified, I’m writing this.

*****

You set foot on the Land Down Under more than six months ago, but it feels like it was yesterday. Time flies so fast when we’re having fun!

But as the shadow of what’s next stretches before you, you have no idea where to start. The dream you’ve been living and feeding for the past four years has now grown a thousand and one heads, and you don’t know how to tame it anymore. Your thoughts go in circle as you find yourself at an unsolvable crossroads. As if you were slowly drowning in apprehension and ignorance, as if you had never left home, you hesitate.

Every azimuth could be yours, but you freeze as you think you can only choose one. Every mountain flirts with you, but you suddenly start doubting your skills. Prisoner of your indecisiveness, your fears and your dilemmas, you lose your sense of direction.

However, you need to realize one thing: if your mind is getting dizzier than ever, it is only as you understand everything that is within your reach. And infinity itself is only a bad thing when you let it slip through your fingers.

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For a few months now you’ve been scattering yourself between dreams and ambitions.

You promised yourself to make Georgia yours, you are knocking down every door between you and the 2018 World Ultimate Championships and you hear the call of the Russian empire’s remote lands. You are hypnotized by Iran and Central Asia, you entertain fantasies of nomadic tribes while two more years at university have never been so seductive and somewhere, deep down inside you the idea of walking around the whole globe is taking root.

Obviously, the tree of your passions is mightier than ever. But don’t let its ardor intimidate you, it is healthy. Remember that sifting your priorities is always helpful to clear your path, to reach what’s essential. Your essential.

“True,” you say, “except that most – if not all – of these projects already come from my deepest passions!” And that is perhaps where things get blurry. How can you hope to decide between them? How can one accept to choose his epitaph so early, so baldly? Where can you start the onslaught of this hydra living inside your head, made of all your fantasies and possibilities?

Unfortunately, I have no “ready to think” answer. But maybe, just maybe, should you start by letting go.

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As far as I can remember, your brightest dream has always been to see Mongolia and together, we did it. You wanted to visit Turkey, to travel around the world and you were curious about working in Asia. A year later, I had won my bet: the whole world was within your reach.

You then had to invent new dreams. You roamed through the Himalaya as soon as you left China to, once more, prove me right: by cleverly handling your priorities and the necessary sacrifices, we were unbeatable.

I invite you to see things differently: the storm rocking your mind today isn’t bad in itself. It is the consequence of your eyes opening on new horizons. For the first time, your reason itself understands that everything is now reachable for you.

To consider walking the whole world says much more about your strength than your confusion.

.

Alexandre

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One thought on “The endless questions

  1. Pingback: How to make impossible decisions | Poet without borders

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